11min 05s   |   English

THEMES IN THIS STORY

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Farming, drought

Doubt

Depression, failure

How do I be a Christian man, husband, father?

The value of reading the Bible

God's faithfulness through trials & pain​

Peace, hope

Listening to God and trusting Him

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KEY QUOTES from this story:

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I'd had a motorbike accident… I really don't know whether I'm going to be

 alive or dead when I get to the hospital.
 

I'm a farmer. From 8 years old, I just knew that's what I was going to be doing.
 

Farming was very challenging for my Dad. But he learned to trust in God.

I went off to (Agricultural College). God was still in the back of my mind, but in my mind, it was a lot of rules and things that I couldn't attain, because ... I knew what I wanted to do, to go out drinking, doing really whatever I wanted to.

I had to make some hard decisions and I started reading God's Word and finding out for myself who he was.
 

The Bible just came alive to me and brought me great joy, great peace. 

I had this question of, “what does a Christian man look like?”
 

I felt very lonely. I could drive around and there'd be so many people. And I didn't know any of them.

Through reading the Bible, seeing the interaction God had with His people... You know, he tells us to ask him and to talk to him. So I just did that! It was learning to communicate with him. 

You read the Bible and you see great examples of men that were obedient to God, that followed God, that were used by God. I wanted to be one of those men. How do I do this? 

God showed me who he was. And by knowing who he is, that's how I could live out being a man that follows God. He wants my heart. He doesn't want performance.

I wanted to be this great Dad and this great husband and a great farmer and a great man of God... I couldn't do that. I just kept running into my shortcomings and my failings.

In life, we can think if we follow God, everything's going to work out well.

By 2007, it was getting very dry (drought). 2020, 2021, were the first two years that we had two crops in a row that were very good. That brought on for me feeling very overwhelmed, very inadequate.

A time of depression. I kept crying out to God and asking for answers. Something's not right. Or maybe it's my heart's not right. 

I didn't want to farm anymore. But I was at a point where I had to stay farming because to get out meant I just lost everything... Feelings of being trapped, that it wasn't working, that I was failing.
 

When you realise you’re not in control of things, that can make you very fearful. There was a week where I just really doubted if God was real.

What he was saying is, “I want you to know me.” … And he kept telling me my biggest need was him. He was enough. 

We need an anchor point. We need something that we can hold on to when everything else seems like it's falling apart, or when we don't have the answers.

(God) said, “bind who I am on the tablet of your heart” (Proverbs 3v3)… And for me that’s my anchor: who God is. His steadfastness. His faithfulness. 

Soren Kierkegaard said that “life is lived forward but understood backwards.”

August 21st, 2022, I'd had a motorbike accident. I really don't know whether I'm going to be alive or dead when I get to the hospital. But it was a point where I was able to go, “Lord, I know who you are. I know that I can trust you.”

It was an amazing peace,  and it could only be my natural response, because God has taught me who he is, steadfast and faithful.
 

The desire I had back when I was 20 years old… He had made me a man that knows God. An anchor point that doesn't let us down. He's faithful and he's true and he's steadfast.
 

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Proverbs 3v3

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